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Was Cinderella Scammed?

When Cinderalla married Prince Charming, I wonder if she really knew what she was getting into. My first thought was that she deserved someone better. Someone who knew her well and really cared for her rather than someone who obsessed over her overnight glow-up and made grand gestures simply because he had the time and resources to be superfluous. A little while later, my concerns were far from the superficial. Maybe this was true love, maybe the romance was real and maybe Prince Charming wasn’t so bad. Maybe a feeling that intense made them truly human and not just characters in a folktale. But was Cinderella signing up for “happily ever after” like we were told?

Reality check, while Cinderalla did get an upgrade in living conditions and close allies, these came with many conditions. Once she married the Prince, she would become a Princess and eventually graduate to Queen or Empress. This came with many important responsibilities like governance, upkeep and discipline at a larger than life scale. Was she aware of this? Was she ready for it? Sure its better than toiling away in the backyard for her evil stepmother but the weight of the responsibility placed on her could be seen as an undue exchange. She would have had to train incessantly under the guidance and supervision of many. That is on top of making time for the whirlwind romance with the Prince and all the familial convictions she needs to win over in order to maintain her new found status.

She barely knew this prince, was she worried if he would suddenly lose interest, if the love was only a perk of Fairy Grandma’s illusions cast on her, would she be able to live up to the expectations of a whole kingdom? She has been treated badly before, could she so easily grow into a trusting, loving, assertive, agile woman? To make matters worse, she may not have stepped up for a perfect kingdom, she would even have to handle problems that were not her own to begin with.

On the flip side, did she already have the qualities required of an Empress which made the Prince hell bent on finding her no matter the cost? Would he have made such enormous efforts to find this young lady simply from a moment of infatuation? They must have struck a chord deeper than love at first sight. Her wisdom and intent must have spoken through their brief interaction. If so, the weight of governance wouldn’t have been an issue. Since her inherent sense of responsibility would nullify the weight of expectations of royal title. She wouldn’t have been giving up one for the other, rather expanding her purview and amplifying her efforts for the larger benefit of the nation.

From these thought I realised - We were lied to. Weddings are not all about love and joy and happily ever afters. It’s a call for responsibility, to govern the kingdom of our families in wisdom and mercy.

As partners in a marriage, we hold power to take calls and make moves for the protection and sustenance of our families. We are faced with limitation of resources but we can also choose how to deploy these resources for the unit to flourish. And as much as a kingdom needs many opposing forces to ensure good governance, a family too can function well only with some critical factors such as

A. Guidance – The learnings of many generations have taken the form of family rituals and traditions. More recently these were taught to us in the form of our elders’ advice and experiences. This helps us take a stand in our own marriage which may or may not align with our predecessors but ultimately ensure the family’s survival in current times. 

B. Questions – we are constantly forced to assess our stand in terms of relevance, fairness and true foresight. That’s the gift children bring to our families. They ask unabashedly, they assume the obvious, they bring fresh perspectives. Essential tests of veracity which adults often lose to complacence. These questions helps our stand be corrected for the needs of the future. And if these questions come from our life partners, even better, because it is proof of their investment and resolve to stick with the family.

Alarmingly, families are under pressure to break down these procedures simply because they are uncomfortable. Narratives are sold to us that humans can survive by themselves. That we are alone in the midst of our blood and kin. That no one cares. While the truth is that we are over-involved in our miseries and make these lies into our living truth. It’s time to reassess how many of these depressing assumptions are imposed on us and how many are constructs of our insecurities. For all you know, you are tying yourself to an anchor that’s heavier than the so called burden of family.

Remember, it’s up to us to make the first step, the second, third and fourth. If we have been isolated too long, it will take commensurate time to rebuild relationships. But you will be surprised by how quickly the quality of life goes up once you initiate.

If it were that easy, why do we shy away from reaching out to our own families? Because, we are afraid of turbulence. We are afraid to get hurt. And we are proved right every time a loved one voices a painful truth; every time we hear we fell short of expectations; every time we did not get the results we hoped for; Every time conflict arises and repair seems out of reach.

If marriage was primarily about assuming responsibility, does love not matter at all?

Love matters more than we think it does. Its more than the butterflies and the sparkles and twinkles depicted in movies and media. Deep love that heals our inner wounds, binds us together as a family, that helps us traverse the thick and thin of it together, matters more in a marriage. That’s the magic we create in a marriage. In a family, it doesn’t matter how well established or capable an individual is. The strength of the family is dependent on how deeply connected the members are to each other.

We live in an age where this bond is questioned, weakened and broken - by narratives, calls and distractions. Educated and capable individuals have the option to assess all of this and choose the kind of strength we want to build in our lifetimes.

Being capable, self reliant is all fine. When all is well, we assume a lot of constants, constants of career progressions, longevity of our close ones, even our health conditions. We assume we are always going to be in a perfect state of health or that medical science has progressed enough to maintain us functioning at optimal levels. Though nothing truly stays at optimal levels. Laws of Economics state that all forces tend to settle at equilibrium. Where demand meets supply, where optimal consumption maximises utility. But these laws also assume that all things remain constant. In reality where all things are anything but constant, a state of equilibrium is only an ideal position. 

Even if it exists, it can only sustain for a short time until another external factor changes. New equilibriums are constantly being defined.

In our lives too, we can always try to approach a state of equilibrium or in layman terms – perfection. But we can never dwell there, for the many factors influencing our lives keep changing. Work life balance is one such wistful concept. We can try as much as we want, but our needs and asks will keep shifting every day, even without the demands of a family. Your health could deteriorate, your perspectives could expand, you gain new ambitions and desires, you understand the long and short of your actions and the opportunity cost of the choices you made 10 years ago. You realise the extent of your parents’ efforts in the face of your own parenthood. You realise the tough choices that await you as your loved ones pass on. You helplessly watch your children repeat your mistakes. All these variables are coming for you for sure. Any person on his own would eventually crumble in the process. But you can face them head on and without regret if you are powered by a bond of love. That’s where love truly matters.

As for Cinderella, she can assume she was scammed into taking up more than she could bite. Or she could gracefully accept the responsibility that came along with her true love that in my versions, resulted in a loving happy marriage.

The choice is hers.

Chinnu George